this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
