There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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