We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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