I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
