omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
