I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Randomize
