Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
