If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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