you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
