is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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