Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
