i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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