I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
