so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
