There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
