you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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