I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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