I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
