First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
