he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
