Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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