you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
