Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
