no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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