My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
