Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
