why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize