dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
