i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
