They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
