I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
