All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
