Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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