Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
