im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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