Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
