Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
