i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
