I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
