Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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