i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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