I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
