i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
