her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
