I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
