Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
