did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You need a sexual gate keeper
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
