i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
