I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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