Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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