Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
