it was like eating out sand paper
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
