Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
