he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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